Fear of Failure

i feel the wind blow in this place, there i see the stars beyond this window pane, shining so bright here in this night, here i feel a sense of love… Deep in my heart i cry for you, every tear that falls feels like a wound, the stars in the skies gently shine, taking away my pain…

i hear a voice gently saying, "DON’T BE AFRAID".. i feel the warmth come over me as i sleep in their embrace… and even though i do not have the strength to go on,  even though i try to hold on, this love will never ever be meant for me …  but i’ll keep on  smiling…  :-) even though our dreams won’t come true, i’ll remember every moment with you like the stars that shine forever, i’ll treasure my love… for you…

Got a present this morning from my dear friends from PG6, Nasreen and Anne, thanks Mr Noel and Jess for carrying the bulky package for me… i was thinking of something like, souvenirs especially made from Malaysia but i was very surprised when i opened the package and i almost screamed in the office… it’s a FAHRENHEIT PUZZLE!!! Jing and my other girl collegues were also excited to solve it, however had no much time since i was on training the whole day… that gift really boost my energy and put a big smile on my face all throughout the day…

At home, i showed the puzzle to my siblings and guess what?  They were as excited as i am to open and solve it.  The puzzle is by the way composed of 1000 pieces… we never expected that it will be huge.  We started at 6:45pm, 4 hours after, we gave up  … its really hard to solve.  Tonight will  just be marked as DAY1, and tomorrow will be another day, probably this will cost us several nights of hardwork before we can solve it…  will just post the framed solved Fahrenheit Puzzle in the next few days…

Anne and Nasreen, this is really a perfect gift… thanks a lot!

hugs and kisses,

Mel

… kept waiting for Chun’s latest blog from his last post on May and finally its updated with a very surprising Announcement… "
12 - 14 July ~ Philippines for Romantic Princess promotion" indeed a very good news to all Wu Chun Fans! … i  will definitely take a vacation leave just to catch Wu Zun in person…can’t wait any longer!!! hehehe!  I just wonder if Wu Zun will go here with Angela Zhang (the leading lady in Romantic Princess) since his tour is for the promotion of Romantic Princess… but i really hope it would be Ella (i’m a Chunella Fan by the way).. Anyway, doesn’t matter at all, as long as I can see Chun in person, i will be very happy… am so excited now, can’t wait to see him.  To all Wu Chun fans, visit this URL to read his latest blog: http://www.wretch.cc/blog/frhgloba1/9961836

it’s been a while since i stopped posting blogs, reason why i was posting blogs before is to let out hatred and unexplainable feelings, later on my blogs became non sense at all… i couldn’t think of any essence why i should do the blogs anyway.

But now, here i am again.. doing the same thing as before… tsk tsk tsk! Actually, nothing happened serious to me this past few months that will qualify for my blogs criteria.  Just have some feelings that can’t really explain or tell anybody, hhmmmpppt!

i’ll share it with you guys when i’m ready and if i already convinced myself that i am doing the right thing. this is all for now… nytnyt!

…have seen the love story of bruce and wendy…   After few months of showing people their love, and the so "MISS" acts while he’s in Slovenia… so surprised to know that bruce has another girl whom he kept from the people esp to wendy.  Bruce felt so weird after hearing the love comments and counselling from Joe d’ Mango, conscience bothered him, admitted to wendy that he has girlfriend.  if i were the girlfriend, i would feel very bad but can still forgive, however, i can never tolerate this statement: "I have a girlfriend… yes but i love wendy more than her."  Ouch! … Ang galing noh? i admit, can’t blame his heart for being so vulnerable coz this situation comes to our lives unexpectedly, it’s a matter of controlling yourself and sparing your partners feelings.  Most of the people can relate to this situation, it’s either that you’re the victim from other’s vulnerability or the victim of your own heart’s shouting  "sana marami ang puso ko…"

…just want to become friends & not really my intention to become close… didn’t think of getting into something, really! …why are they making things so complicated? … get rid of me now, oh yeah… sorry for the mess. get rid of you now, feel sorry twice… hmm hmmm, yeah!

Nobody wanna see us together, nobody thought we’d last forever.  I feel I’m hopin’ and prayin’, things between us gon’ get better.  Men steady comin’ after me, women steady comin’ after you, seem like everybody wanna go for self and don’t wanna respect boundaries, tellin’ you all those lies just to get on your side.  But I must admit there was a couple secrets I held inside but just know that I tried to always apologize and I’ma have you first always in my heart to keep you satisfied.

Got every right to wanna leave, got every right to wanna go, got every right to hit the road and never talk to me no more.
You don’t even have to call, even check for me at all because the way I’ve been actin’ lately has been off the wall…
Especially toward you, puttin’ girls before you and they watchin’ everything I’ve been doin’ just to hurt you.  Most of it just ain’t you, ain’t true and they won’t show you how much of a king you are to me and why I love you baby…

Nobody wanna see us together but it don’t matter no cause I got you. Cause we gon’ fight, fight for our right to love…

…sa gabos na magkakaklase kang high school, saro ako sa medyo nakaka-angat pagsiring sa pag-adal.  iyo ma nanggad ta nakapag klase ako sa sarong dakula asin best pag engineering ang pinag-urunan.  pag nag-uuli ako sa Bicol, pag nahihiling ako kan mga kaklase ko, tigsasabe sakuya na maswertihon ako ta naka graduar ako siring nasa magayon ako na kumpanya, nababakal ko ang mga gusto ko, mga luho sa buhay nasakuya man (nakakaiggit daa?!).

sa totoo sana, una kang iba maugma ako sa estado kang buhay ko ngunyan pero dai aram kang iba kung ano ang igwa sa kung yaen ako ngunian.  makulog sa buot na isipon na dipisilon palan ang maghanap ki kwarta, maski dae ko man masyado worry ang kwarta sa ngunian… ang nawawara sakuya ang buhay ko.  nauuyam ako sa ibang tawo na nakapaligid sako, maski ano ang gibuhon ko still not enough. minsan natatapakan na ang pagkatawo ko, garo minsan ang iling ko sa sadiri ko warang kwenta, warang magigibo na marhay.  naglalaog ako sa trabaho na igwa pirming worry na sa kung ano na naman ang dai ko naginibo, kung ano ang dapat na naisip ko pero dai ko naisip na gibuhon.  basta, dae nindo maiintindihan ang tigsasabe ko pero nagpupuon na ako na maging mapait sa bawat aldaw na nagtatrabaho ako.  minsan may mga tawong abo kong mahiling, ta nararaot ang aldaw ko talaga once nagpuon na naman magtaram.  ang mga gibo nya tigpapasa sako maski dai ko na gibo at ang mga kulang nya ako ang sisisihon.  hay, buhay… yodi talga… Garo minsan gusto ko magmuda pero dai ko maginibo ta dai ako nasanay na magsabe ki arog kaito. minsan nagiging pakitang-tawo na sana ako tanganing dai ng problema.  Yodi, yodi, yodi talaga!

minsan tig-isip ko, nata ang mga kaklase ko kang elementary & high school maski may mga agom at aki na, garo warang mga problema sa buhay. nata ako, sa edad kong ini, warang aki asin agom garo dakulaon na ang problema ko… ang itsura ko nagiging gurang na dahil sa stress.  minsan gusto ko magduman sa alawigon na lugar, sa warang signal ang cellphone asin dae ko dara ang laptop ko.  pirmi kc maski sabado dumingo, trabaho man guiraray ang gibo ko. arog gunian, bilog na dumingo, arog kaini ang gibo ko… tapos sa kadakulan kag ginigibo ko garo wara akong natatapos… 

baka nagtataka kamo kung nata Bicol ang gamit ko ngunian.. mas maray na arog kaini, ta may mga pde na makabasa na tawo na tiguuyaman ko. minsan mas marhay na may aram ka na dai aram kang iba… salamat na marhay sa bicol asin sa blog, ta nakakapagluwas ako kang kulog kang buot ko.

whew! who knows that i am in a relationship for this long?  even i never noticed that it was 5 years and 10 months already since i gave my heart to my guy… Reminiscin’ the past, i’m just glad that i won in scrabble that night, a pustahan that if i win, sasagutin ko sya but if not, sorry nlng. Despite that i’m not thinking for words, i picked almost all the high score letters… definitely nanalo ko noh! at the same time he also won my heart.  however, if ever i lost that night will i ever had the courage to answer a yes? hhhmmm… i already loved him even before that night…pero mahiyain ako sobra dati eh, baka d ko nsabe siguro.. thanks to scrabble game, really!

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5yrs &10 months, seems to be just a week for us,  time stops when we’re together that’s why… do you want to know what’s our secret?  we just enjoy every minute that we are together… give respect and big trust, we both talk a lot… parang d kmi nauubusan ng sasabihin and kwento kahit everyday kami mgkasama… we sing along to songs sa kotse nya and do crazy dance steps, hehehe! Of course, meron din mga bad times… pero longest time is 2-3 hours lang yata then we’re ok again.  kelangan lang is to listen, talk and understand, forgive/forget.

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Now we have a growing family… babies came in.. porky, TY and mirmo. Porky has no pictures yet though he’s our first, he’s with me in the office kc eh. Next is TY, the most controversial baby, TY used to be in my bag kahit san ko pumunta. 1 time, i thought lost him coz i can’t find him everywhere… to my disappointmet i set a note to the IM that TY is missing… number of people IMed & sent me mails asking who’s TY. we’ll now’s the time to know who TY is :)… next is Mirmo, she’s my latest baby, given to me recently for our monthsary.. she’s so cute and very huggable talaga.

wow! you already met my family… enough na muna to.. i’m so sleepy na eh… next time, i’ll introduce my upcoming babies… goodnyt all!

    ****************Happy 5 Years & 10 Months!*******************

***When Im with you, I feel naked and sacred
And this world can be so cold
I wanna hold you naked and sacred
Till I grow old

What does love mean? can love last?
I ask myself these questions, haunted by the past
I’ve walked these city streets
I’ve known victo’ies and defeats
Searchin, hopin, just barely copin’

Baby I want to be good for you
I want to be true
Dont know how Id live with myself
If I ever hurt you

***

Since I met you my life’s changed
I feel like a bird thats been let out of its cage

Baby I want to be good for you
I want to be true
Dont know how Id live with myself
If I ever hurt you

***

naked and sacred… naked and…

Your hands healing me, your love’s filling me
When you go away, your heart’s still in me

…naked and sacred
And this world can be so cold
I wanna hold you naked and sacred
Till I grow old

When Im with you, I feel naked and sacred
Next to your heart I hold
I wanna hold you naked and sacred
Till I grow old

if you want to hear how beautiful this song is, check this website: 
http://kahaleko143.imeem.com/music/lvclakvt/naked_and_sacred/?ct=GnMoxl

                ….sorry not allowed to download songs eh….

I’m sure magiging super favorite nyo din tong kantang to, nakaka-addict…